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My Mother


My Mother in Heaven,
hallowed be Your name,
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,
give me today my daily bread,
forgive my debts, as I also have forgiven my debtors,
and lead me not into temptation,
but deliver me from the evil one.
For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours,
now and forever, Amen!

我在天上的母亲,
愿人都尊你的名为圣。
愿你的国降临。
愿你的旨意行在地上,
如同行在天上。
我日用的饮食,
今日赐给我。
免我的债,
如同我免了人的债。
不叫我遇见试探,
救我脱离凶恶。
因为国度、权柄、荣耀,
全是你的,
直到永远,阿们

 

Mother Passed Away

 
muma
 

Mother passed away on March 11, 2016 at the age of 81. I will write a biography of her and I will remember her forever.

 
More information about this incident can be found in the file Mother.htm. consult the complete currently valid directory listing (updated a couple of days ago as of the date when this essay was written) for an overall view.
 
 

“Mother” - My great writing project

 

I will write a biography of my mother titled “Mother” in full scale, which will cover a time scale of good 80 years, with all the details of our family, myself and the history of the contemporary China in some details. I will show the world how virtuous my mother was, and how she has sacrificed herself to the good of her children and some of her relatives, and the greatness of a true mother. I would present her as one of the greatest mothers of the human history and she will be remembered by the world forever. This writing project will take a couple of years, and will be carried out step by step. I plan to write one chapter every month for 3 to 10 years continuously.

As part of my future memorial projects, the bio will be the most popular and touching one in human history. Everyone will read it, and everyone will cry after learning her sacrifice. I will make her remembered by all people, and all the world will cry over her great sacrifice. And in the end her story will be remembered for ever and ever, generations after generations.

My mother was, is and will be my center of life, even if she is gone now. In the past, I have abandoned my own career in order to take care of her, and now without her, I am completely alone and futureless.

This writing project will take a couple of years, and will be carried out step by step. I plan to write one chapter every month for 3 to 10 years continuously.

The total length of this bio may range from 500 to 2000 pages. I will try to keep it as concise as possible, so as not to bore my readers.

The first chapter, titled “Chapter One Eulogy – The End of the World” also serves as my eulogy as well as the manuscript and it was completed just now and is now attached for your reference.Here is the sample text of the bio in writing.

 

And the Writing & Publishing Plans…

Now the above are all what I am going to do in my later half of life. I am still young, dynamic, and energetic, although since the death of my mother, the world looks non-existing to me. Nevertheless I shall honor her as her son in my rest of life in whatever capacity I may have.

The story will be written both in Chinese and English by me alone and then a certain editor will be requested to improve my English, since my English is still not yet good enough to reach at a level compatible with the first class novelists, although I have been writing English decades long.

The essays will be published outside China, for there might be some politically sensitive information connected to the entire history.

 

Why I Need Financing?

Originally I plan to wait for a year or two to write the above essays, after I have earned enough money for the writing. But I would not wait for too long, therefore I would contact you for a possible financing. I would like to find someone who can support and finance my writing of the story. That will be a little time consuming, and will cost a little money.

Since late 2006 I have been dived into the domains of academic career, out of my own interests, without any affiliation of any research and academic organizations. And during that long period of time – quite 10 years or so – I have almost had no time to do my business, as a result of this, my earnings have been stopped and my financial resources are being drought out. I am still trying to win enough income from my business through the Internet marketing by offering my various services – currently language services for I am acquainted with a number of languages such as German, French, Russian in addition to English, and I am also trying other businesses such as trading in the power and energy sectors where I was specialized in. But all these efforts have not yet yielded the necessary income to support my living and enterprises. And it is predicted that this situation might not be able to change in the instant future, therefore I need some other sources to finance my writing projects, otherwise they will be delayed to a unforeseeable days, I don’t know when.

As I said before, for the above projects, I need to work for many years. For example I plan to complete the “Mother” novel and biography minimum within 3 years and maximum 10 years. I cannot forecast how long and which contents and in which style the novel will be written. All are unfixed yet and can only be determined once the writing begins. Over the last four months since the death of my dearest mother, I’ve tried numerous attempts to initiate the writing but only stopped, because my sorrow has produced so much emotion and tears that I am unable to pick up my pens or to hit upon my keyboard. 

 

How Much Money I Need to Finish the Writing?

This is a delicate question, hard to answer. In case no income comes in in the next months, I predict I need about at least 15000 US Dollars a year to sustain my living and work, just to keep me alive. Living cost in China is very high, much higher than the majority of the world, incl. North America and Europe. For example housing prices in Shanghai is several times that in New York and medial, schooling, and other costs are also exorbitantly higher than the rest of the world. So with 15000 a year one cannot afford a house, a car, a medicare, a university studies etc, barely enough to survive.

 

我的祷告

 

我一直想要是照顾我的父母,到如今已经26年了。可是,我的愿望依然没有实现。

我出身在农村,虽然还算是一个富裕的地方,但中国农村和农民,除了少数例外,都是处于贫困当中,除非你父母是当地的官员。 而且看不到希望。具体原因就不便说了。

我的父母和祖上一直都是老实的农民,虽然在以前还算是中等偏上的家庭。这20多年来,由于没有适应这个变化的社会环境,我们落后了,倒退了。结果,我们的生活无法赶上许多后来居上者。他们多半靠与官府勾结发家致富了。 现在,我的父亲每天只能到别人的小店铺打发日子,别人聊天,他在那里打盹。他的气管炎不见好转。前些时候家里又告诉我,父亲得了白内障,做了手术。虽然钱并不缺,但这些不好的消息一个接着一个,令我时常在睡梦中惊醒。 昨天晚上也是。 父亲一付萎靡不振的样子,另我伤心不已。 我们全家多年来无数次劝他戒烟,都没有效果,以至气管炎日见严重。真担心哪一天倒下。 做白内障手术后,血压升高了,但我父亲从未有过高血压啊! 可能是医院搞的鬼! 令人欣慰的是,我父亲没有其他的疾病,这是我多少年来听到的最好的消息了。 我父亲对子女的爱是一种没有言语的深沉的爱。 记得在寄宿中学读书的时候,有一次,天突然变冷,刮大风,他就和另外一个人一起,划着一条小木船,走了近10里地,将冬天的棉衣棉裤送到学校。

我母亲更是整天挂念我的生活。多少年来为我的婚姻大事操碎了心。但是我却总是让我母亲担心受苦。 记得在上海工作期间,我搬过三处住处,每次我都让我母亲住一阵子。 在桂林街时,有一次我去北京出差谈业务,把我母亲丢在上海,一个人,呆了10天。我不知道我母亲是如何度过这10天的。在上海,她一个认识的人也没有。那些亲戚也不往来。 我回来时,我看到我妈妈变得傻乎乎的。我母亲是一个很聪明的人啊! 每次想起这件事,我就要哭! 我当时怎么把我母亲一个人扔在上海呢! 我应该先送她回去。虽然我每天都要给她打电话,但其余的时间呢! 自从这件事后,我决定离开上海,到杭州谋生。杭州毕竟还有妹妹及她的家,外甥女等。我去出差也不会使我父母孤独。所以,虽然我来杭州近四年,没有赚到钱,我仍然心安理得。 毕竟我没有让父母伤心的事发生。而父母对我而言,胜过世间一切! 还有一件让我伤心的事是住在虹桥期间。有一次,母亲忘了钥匙,到外面捡了东西想敲开门不得,就从住处到我办公室走了个来回,大概整整走了4个小时。走到我办公的大楼(国际贸易中心),又找不到我的办公室。 也不知道我的电话号码。 我让我的母亲就这样在上海西区的大街上走,也不知道有中间的尘土,汽车是否撞了她。等到我回来,我看见我妈妈那可怜的样子,我是何等的痛苦。 我连自己的母亲都不能照顾好,我是何等的无能。在田林租房期间,那时房间光线很暗,又潮湿。我真不该让母亲在那里住一个月的时间。而且这个房子非常差,是我住过的最差的地方。 而且我也出过差,虽然时间短,但我无论如何都不应将我母亲一个人扔在上海。 更使我倍感内疚的是,我刚上大学的那一年,我母亲跟我舅妈挑着担子坐船来到上海,到我读书的学校想见我,还带来了许多东西。可我却拒绝见她们。 我当时想,她们农村里来的会破坏我的形象。我是何等的罪孽深重啊!

我的父母亲啊,我是一个不孝的儿子!我让你们伤透了心!我让你们操碎了心! 到如今,我还连自己的生存问题都没有解决。我过去很孤傲,我现在很卑微。 我必须走出困境,否则,不单照顾不了父母,连自己今后就完全毁了!

幸好,我自己除了声音方面由于过去咽喉炎造成的影响,可以说没有任何的疾病,身体非常健康,一般认为比绝大多数人要好。外表看仍然年轻,看不出我内心经历的痛苦和不幸。 做到这一点是多么的不容易。我现在的生活条件退回到20年前,工作没有,女朋友没有,只能自己做独立职业(以我如此优越的条件居然游离在主流社会以外,甚至成为边缘和弱势群体,真是世间奇事。5年前我可是跨国公司追逐的对象啊!我现在勉强帮人翻译点东西,写点报告混日子)。但靠目前的收入,买房置业根本是做梦。杭州房价脱离理性轨道,100年内都买不起房。过去,我从来没有为住房担忧。 要是我坚持呆在第一个公司,我早在15年前就有房了。如果5年前我不离开北京,恐怕情形也会不同。

现在我剩下的也就是比较好的身体。过去的经历,知识等,随着时间也渐渐荒废。 现在,除了英语,和太阳能光伏方面,我准备放弃一切其他我过去多年积累的知识和经验。很多很多(IT技术包括程序开发,数据库,多媒体,德语,法语,俄语,电力技术,质量管理,跨国公司采购与市场开拓,电站设计等)。因为没有人准备用我,再花时间和精力已经是没有必要了。就连光伏和英语,最后的命运大概就是丢弃。或者再回上海,再去跨国公司打工。等到我什么也没有的时候,就只能做生意,成为真正的生意人了,象大多数浙江人一样。或者再开公司(如果继续呆在杭州的话,因为杭州没有象样的跨国公司,而本地企业的收入与我现在自己挣的没有多大差别)。如果你到浙江,唯一的选择是做小买卖。或者去海外。

我的命运为何如此坎坷!

 

2017-02-17